Scotty Ulrich // 21 // GA // Christ Follower
I don’t normally post personal stuff, but I feel like I need to let something out.
My life is filled with acquaintances, but hardly anyone that I am close with. I am no one’s best friend. No one talks to me regularly, thinks to call me just to talk, or invites me to anything. I live in a college town filled with people my age, but I feel like I have nothing in common with anyone. I’m on good terms with a ton of people, but not good enough to where we would actually do something together. It seems that everyone else has a group of friends or a significant other that they can rely on to be there for them while I’m left sitting in the periphery of everyone’s social life. I have no community. I know that this is probably my fault; that I should be trying harder to involve myself with people, and I hate to sound like a melodramatic teenager, but this is the loneliest I’ve ever felt in my life.
I’ve allowed myself to sink into apathy and self-pity which has drawn all of my focus away from The Lord and onto myself, leaving me feeling further from Christ than I have in a long time. I’m in a sad loop of narcissism, loneliness, and feeling sorry for myself, and it seems like I just can’t snap out of it.
I long for community so badly. I see so many of my acquaintance having such great friends, and every time I try to insert myself into something like that, I feel like I am imposing. Even though I know that it’s probably not true, I feel like I don’t matter to anyone, and that I am completely unwanted.
Until I break out of this, I’m going to keep trying my hardest to believe in God’s promises. Please pray for me.
Proverbs 3:5- “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.”